Jack's Lists

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Happy New Year! Here is our:
Top 10 Things About January. 
1. It's clean.
2. Its high up looking down upon the year - if only we could see the view.
3. It's exciting, the whole year laid out before you - grab it by the scruff of the neck.
4. The cold kills all the bugs.
5. The house isn't cluttered.
6. Cold New Year gammon and Taylors English mustard.
7. Bracing into the wind with the dogs absolutely covered in good mud.
8. English Beer in front of a roaring fire in a proper pub in Rutland.
9. Your in-laws have gone home.
10. Sophia Loren is still alive.
11. best of all - the Six Nations starts soon.
all the best for 2012..................................................

Not many sleeps now........................here is our list of stuff to read at this exciting time ('stuff' is a bit disrespectful really isn't it? Sorry)
Top 10 Christmas Writers.
1. Matthew.
2. Mark.
3. Luke.
4. John.
5. Charles Dickens - A Christmas Carol.
6. Anton Chekhov - At Christmas Time.
7. Robert Louis Stevenson - Christmas At Sea.
8. Laurie Lee - Cider with Rosie.
9. Frank Capra - It's A Wonderful Life, what a film, c'mon, Jimmy Stewart.
10. Children - various letters to Santa.
discuss?
 

However true the caricature maybe, there is no doubting there have been some great Americans, here are a few we like:
Top 10 Americans.
1. Louis Armstrong.
2. Duke Ellington.
3. Orson Welles.
4. Arthur Miller.
5. Martin Luther King jr.
6. Ray Charles.
7. Paul Newman.
8. FDR,
9. Norman Rockwell.
10 Mohammed Ali.
ok bit of a focus on the arts there - we do the inventing, they do the entertaining and they do it better than anyone else.

We live in the centre of the UK, as far from the sea as it is possible to be and so a visit to The Sea is a special outing for us:
Top 10 Things About The Sea.
1. It's MASSIVE.
2. Wet sand for sinking your toes in and/or playing cricket on.
3. Dry sand is so lovely running through your fingers.
4. In the middle of the big Ocean it moves in great squares like tectonic plates.
5. It has Whales in it.
6. We like fish.
7. Windbreaks, beach huts, warm jumpers, sausages and chicken legs.
8. Throwing the Dogs in it.
9. Boats, we love boats.
10. Pine trees behind the dunes, Tolkein started there.

Top 10 People We Admire (in no particular order or importance).
1. Parents that keep their kids on the right track.
2. Sportsmen who own up to cheating in front of a 50,000 crowd - can't think of any examples but if it did happen we would admire them.
3. The Armed Forces.
4. Individuals in Africa/Arabia standing up to tyrrany and bringing down Dictators - and we complain about car parking charges?
5. Musicians playing to 2 people and a dog in a pub in Camden because they believe it.
6. Morecambe & Wise fans.
7. Charlton Athletic fans - because.... well...you know? 
8. People eating in restaurants in Paris - how can Parisian waiters be such social climbing snobs???
9. British Charities working with homeless and disadvantaged people in the UK.
10. Anyone who has to deal with Sarah Ferguson - or in fact her former husband.

There is a big Rugby Tournament in New Zealand at the moment and these are:

The Top 10 Things About the World Cup in Rugby.
1. ITV coverage is clueless - glitzy sets and fancy computer graphics are for the round ball game mate.
2. The Kiwis are so happy it's being played at home as they have a chance to win it.
3. Namibia - Who? What? Why? But good on them, real amateurs and real rugby people.
4. Welshmen thinking they could go all the way.
5. Ugly England scraping in and blaming everyone else.
6. The girls in the crowds are prettier than at football matches.
7. There are some very big humans out there.
8. Good to see it rains in other countries too.
9. The players stand up when hurt and walk off the field bleeding profusely.
10. The Referees are not abused.
Oh and the organisers firm belief that it is a big global tournament....dream on.....give us the game back please. 

Here is a 'harder than you think' list and yet Olly our warehouse manager reeled it off the top of his head, he must have studied it at University perhaps at Aberystwyth or something....
Top 10 Original Film Scores.
1. Dr. No - John Barry.
2. Anatomy of Murder - Duke Ellington.
3. Shaft - Isaac Hayes.
4. Shalimar - Rahul Der Burman.
5. Chinatown - Jerry Goldsmith. 
6. Out of Sight - David Holmes.
7. Bullitt - Lalo Schifrin
8. Once Upon a Time in the West - Ennio Morricone
9. Pierrot le Fou - Antoine Duhamel & Borris Bassiak.
10. Lawrence of Arabia - Maurice Jarre. 

Our favourite word (this week) is BLIMEY! (it has to have an exclamation mark with it, it just does) and so here is a list of blimey phrases:
Top 10 Blimey Phrases.
1. Blimey it's cold.
2. Blimey if it's not one thing it's your mother.
3. Blimey I could murder a drink.
4. Blimey I'll be sorry in the morning.
5. Blimey I don't have a leg to stand on.
6. Blimey two heads are better than one.
7. Blimey he's not going to sell much ice cream going at that speed.
8. Blimey he'll put the fear of God in you.
9. Blimey don't put off today what you can do tomorrow.
10. Blimey a jury is twelve men chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
11. Blimey change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
12. Blimey the price of train tickets in the UK is bloody ridiculous.
 

This list is especially for Sue who sent us a kind and lovely email about our little company recently and we love her........
Top 10 songs with Sue in the Title
1. A Boy Named Sue - Mr. J Cash.
2. Happy Sue - The Who.
3. Sue in the Sky with Diamonds - The Beatles.
4. Hey Sue - Jimi Hendrix
5. Sue - Elton John
6. There 'aint half some clever Sue's - Iain Dury & The Blockheads.
7. Dear Sue - The Beatles.
8. Sue I'm Only Dancing - David Bowie.
9. Hello Sue - Louis Armstrong.
10. Wake Up Little Sue - The Everly Brothers.

To celebrate National Wool Week we offer you a list of the reasons why Wool is the greatest fibre of all time:
Top 10 Things About Wool.
1. Invented in Britain (like everything else)
2. Made the Church rich, then the Nobles, then the Millowners, then the Chinese.
3. It's warm but cool, fits but stretches, is soft or scratchy, looks great in colour or natural, it's organic.
4. It's still made in the UK.
5. It's also made in Italy and the food is very good there.
6. We use it in our Knitwear, Coats and Woven Jackets.
7. Braised lamb and home made mint sauce is damn good.
8. Have you seen Sophia Loren wearing it? Enough said.
9. It has class.
10. It's still fashionable after 5,000 years.

 
Here's a great list from Dan P, clearly a musical scholar with detail like this, he's out of a Nick Hornby book this boy. He gets a FREE T shirt of his choice:
Top 10 Songs with Whistling In
1. Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay - Otis Redding
2. Me And Julio Down By The School Yard - Paul Simon
3. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly - Ennio Morricone
4. Two Of Us - The Beatles
5. Sissyneck - Beck
6. Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn and John
7. Colonel Bogey March - Lieutenant F. J Ricketts
8. Tighten Up - The Black Keys
9. Mardi Gras In New Orleans - Professor Longhair
10. Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life - Monty Python
 and then the wolf whistle in The Joker by Steve Miller Band

And from the JR office here's a Music Top 10 we havn't done before somehow:
Top 10 Female Popular Music Artists.
1. Aretha Franklin.
2. Rickie Lee Jones.
3. Chaka Khan.
4. Joni Mitchell.
5. Bonnie Raitt.
6. Chrissie Hynde
7. Debbie Harry.
8. Annie Lennox.
9. Mavis Staples.
10. Etta James.
We decided not to do Jazz singers because obviously there is Ella, Billie, Sarah, Carmen, Anita, Dinah - they go on forever. 

Here's the kind of list we like, intellectually stimulating, refreshingly elitist (in a Halifax kind of way,) the eminent Dr.S Kershaw has sent us a new list for 2011 you wont find on another fashion site: 
Top 10 Sayings By Rulers of Ancient Rome before AD100
1. I came, I saw, I conquered - Julius Caesar (the original and the best)
2. Is there anyone in Rome who has not slept with my daughter? - Augustus (at least he said this in the BBC TV series I Claudius)
3. Let them hate me so long as they fear me - attributed to both Tiberius and Caligula.
4. Make him feel that he is dying - Caligula (whilst torturing his victims)
5. He called for more wine and went on with his party as usual - Claudius (on hearing of his wife Messalina's death)
6. Dead and so great an artist - Nero (talking about himself just before he died)
7. Nobody can be forced to give an account of how he spends his leisure hours - Galba (who allegedly spent most of his leisure hours doing all sorts of debauched things)
8. Striding along with a lance that cast a preposterous shadow - Vespasian quoting Homer (of course, describing a man with monstrous genitals)
9. My friends, I have wasted a day - Titus (realising he hadn't done anyone a favour since the previous night)
10. An Emperor who does not punish informers encourages them - Domitian (is he talking about the press?)

Top 10 Things in Wills & Kate's Wedding.
1. The Abbey.
2. The great British public lining the Mall.
3. Kate's smile.
4. The 1936 Cartier tiara the Queen lent Kate.
5. The dress made in the UK by a British designer.
6. The Blues & Royals and The Lifeguards look damned smart.
7. William Walton's crackin' Imperial tune.
8. The Verger doing cartwheels down the aisle after the event.
9. The Aston Martin Volante - was Wills insured to drive it?
10. Phil The Greek looking very laid back through the whole thing.
and Kate's sister wasn't bad either.

Top 10 British 'As' Phrases we like this week.
1. As right as rain - after beating Les Bleus, at anything.
2. As pure as the driven snow - like erm, you know, erm.......
3. As snug as a bug in a rug - or a Jack Russell throw perhaps?
4. As near as damn it - American foreign policy.
5. As fresh as a daisy - come on Spring, where are you?
6. As sure as God's in Gloucestershire - he lives just 'round the corner from our Cirencester store.
7. As thick as two short planks - you know, like Prince Andrew.
8. As keen as mustard - ooh! we love mustard, English Mustard, is there any other?
9. As rare as hens teeth - like a moral banker or selfless politician.
10. As hard as nails - like the British.

Top 20 Bands Playing on our in-store iPod's this January.
1. World Party - Goodbye Jumbo is the best album of the 90's.
2. Turin Brakes - The Optimist is a wonderful record.
3. The Who - are The Who.
4. Joe Cocker - the Englishman amongst the Mad Dogs and good old Elton has brought Leon Russell back from the dead.
5, The Cold Sweat - new British band includes the new Clapton.
6. Robert Palmer - one of England's greatest ever blues singers, sadly missed.
7. Supergrass - Road to Rouen, very clever and yet singalong stuff.
8. Rickie Lee Jones - a goddess given to the world by some greater power.
9. Tom Waits - her husband as was.
10. Scissor Sisters - good and sound like early Elton which was very good.
11. Seal - the first album, Crazy is a great tune.
12. Paolo Nutini - lovely, lovely record the last one.

The Competition to WIN £150 WORTH OF JACK'S CLOBBER is now closed.
...and the winner is - ALI G (no - not that one) from Gloucestershire, who sent in this simple but charming entertainer:

10 best things about Stationery Shops
10. A stationery shop is about the only place in today's economic climate that you can still buy something useful for under £1
9. Nice pens. EVERYONE loves a nice pen.
8. Glue. Whether you need to stick a photo in an album or a badger to a lamppost, there is a glue for the occasion.
7. They're like guilt free, calorie free, 'useful' sweet shops for all ages.
6. Drug bags. You know what I'm talking about.
5. Stickers. No technologically advanced product will EVER replace a good sticker.
4. Simple. No faffing. No contracts. No upgrades. And no built in redundancy stock.
3. Post-its. 'Nuf said.
2. Business cards. Everyone likes to feel important and say 'no need to write it down, have one of my cards'.
1. Me.
Ali will receive a golden ticket worth £150 - redeemable (with no time limit) at any of our stores or on the web.

We like this one - a great set of tunes to enjoy whilst decorating the Christmas tree from Herbert and Marge in Wallingford, Oxon - 2 free tees on their way.....

Top 14 Tunes to Munch Mince Pies By... 
1. In The Bleak Midwinter - the killer Hymn, get's us everytime.
2. Tiny Dancer - Elton in his heyday
3. Carol Of The Bells - so beautiful it hurts.
4. Moonglow - the incomparable Errol Garner.
5. Did You Hear Him Holler - Joey DeFrancesco & his awesome organ.
6. On Broadway - Billy Larkin & The Delegates.
7. Jingle Bells - Sammy Davis jnr cooler than ever.
8. In These Shoes - Kirsty MacColl's best tune. 
9. Sing Sing Sing - Anita O'Day the Queen of Cool.
10. Mary - Scissor Sisters homage to Elton.
11. Come, Let Us Go Back To God - Sam Cooke & The Soul Stirrers - now this is singing.
12. The Shepherd's Farewell - John Rutter of course.
13. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley like a swedish winter landscape.
14. All You Need Is Love - The Beatles, enough said.
As Eric would say 'Be Honest' - that is one hell of a fine selection - challenging and stimulating just as music should be.

Top 10 Things About New British Winters
1. Double frosts that make the trees totally white and incredibly beautiful.
2. Schools are closed (if you are of school age)
3. Everyone over 45 can say 'Well it was like this every year in the Sixties'
4. Health & Safety apopleptic about everything and unable to stop the fun.
5. Old fashioned improvising of anything sledge-able.
6. It's quieter.
7. Snowball fights (hi-vis jackets and goggles permitting)
8. Single Malts permissable by lunchtime for medicinal purposes only.
9. Thick home made soup and warm bread.
10. Shared bodily warmth - purely for medicinal purposes.

 Top 10 Things About Autumn
1. Rugby.
2. 2 pints after the match to help the bruising go down.
3. Autumn Leaves - lovely tune.
4. The autumn leaves.
5. Proper jumpers.
6. Real fires.
7. Walking to the pub is much more satisfying.
8. Standing on the doorstep thinking 'here goes' because you left your umbrella in the car.
9. Filthy, exhausted dogs.
10. Listening to the rain on the windows whilst watching The French Connection for the 27th time.

Top 10 Bonfire Night Moments
1. The anticipation walking there across the fields in the dark.
2. Dad's suddenly becoming explosives experts.
3. Hot Dogs, Hot Soup, warm belly.
4. Never quite enough time to spell your name with the sparkler a 4th time.
5. the silent, expectant pause before the catherine wheel starts spinning.
6. the catherine wheel getting stuck.
7. the oohs and aahs at the rockets.
8. the massive bangs.
9. gettng really close to the fire as it dies down.
10. sifting through the debris the next morning looking for unexploded fireworks.

As you will know from reading the site and the lists, we eat, sleep and love music and happily know more about it than anyone else. You might think we are old rockers or jazzheads but we listen to everything.
Top 10 Bands/Artists we are listening to in October 2010
1. Bombay Bicycle Club - gaining ground and very soulful.
2. Field Music - some great harmonies and killer riffs.
3. Everything Everything - inventive indie.
4. Morning Benders - ooh california.
5. The Cold Sweat - London based, unsigned and the saviour of the blues.
6. 6ix Toys - mad and funky and damned hot.
7. Herbie Hancock - class, pure class and he has Derek Trucks guesting.
8. Carlos Santana - the new album is both awesome and hilarious. The prophet of love.
9. Broken Bells - too clever by half.
10. Foals - great Live at Leeds.
 

Blast! Tony Curtis has died. What a guy. The Angels in heaven will be worried. Here's a list of some of Tone's best work:
Top 10 Tony Curtis Films
Some Like It Hot (with Jack and Marilyn)
The Vikings (with Kirk)
Taras Bulba (with Yule)
Trapeze (with Burt and Gina)
Sweet Smell of Success (with Burt)
Spartacus (with Kirk et al)
The Defiant Ones (with Sidney. Wore a false nose to make him more ugly to be taken more seriously)
The List of Adrian Messenger (weird)
The Boston Strangler (as the Boston Strangler, very much against type)
The Great Race (as "Peter Perfect")
of course the Top 10 Tony Curtis Moments cannot be mentioned for legal reasons and involve most of the most beautiful women that have ever lived so suffice to say - What a guy!

and now Autumn, the season most Britons are comfortable with - the early morning, lunchtime and late aternoon mists......
Top 10 Things About An English Autumn.
1. Bonfire smoke.
2. conkers - very, very dangerous sport but honestly, goggles are not required.
3. going to the match on saturday - whatever shaped ball you support the banter is good.
4. John Wayne films on sundays - it has to be Big John folks.
5. the colour of the trees, thank goodness we don't live in Sweden.
6. no need to water the garden, mind you no need in July either.
7. something strong in your tea.
8. the return of proper knitwear, woolly jumpers, we live for 'em.
9. toffee apples
10. and of course leaving it behind for Southern Spain.

Not content with buying as much of our clothing Made in the UK as possible we are dedicated enough to take our holidays here aswell and so this list is to those who joined us this year in supporting the home economy and holidayed in Cornwall, The Lake District, the Highlands - wherever it was we know it takes guts - 
Top 10 Best Things About A British Summer
1. scottish raspberries.
2. making the best of it.
3. hot tea.
4. dad reading the map again.
5. mr whippy ice creams, candy floss on a stick and ring doughnuts.
6. another magnificent 13C church.
7. the sight of blue sky in the distance.
8. fish n chips with salt and vinegar out of the paper.
9. discovering the sea is not as cold as you thought.
10. putting your socks on after a day on the beach.
and of course being able to go into a proper pub and get a decent pint of bitter - something not possible on the continent.

Peter Pan XI Series: Beatles XI
1. Jo Jo - always took the light, had to get back home.
2. The Walrus - what a goo-goo-goo-googly.
3. Lady Madonna - mid order and just see how she runs. 
4. Eleanor Rigby - very lonely at deep fine leg all day.
5. Sgt.Pepper - great coach, taught them all to play.  
6. Rita - preferred 20/20 matches, never allowed much time to get her eye in. 
7. Martha - silly point, silly mid-off, silly mid-on.
8. Jude - great fast bowler, the movement was all in his shoulder.
9. Mr Kite - it was his benefit match.
10. Prudence - wouldn't come out after tea.

Here's a joyous sunny July list from the Jack 'dejohnette' Russell design office -

Ten Things You Cannot Live Without In July.
1. Strawberries and Cream.
2. George Benson playing 'Sunny' - he is possibly the greatest ever guitarist and we don't say that lightly.
3. Wimbledon - ok, sometimes just having it on in the background is enough.
4. A garden.
5. Pimms.
6. A Tent - near a very good breakfast cafe of course.
7. The Sea - go and find it but don't go in it, not in the UK anyway.
8. Sleeping with the windows open.
9. Village Fete with a Womens Institute tent - the preserves judging is ferocious.
10. Your own home grown new potatoes, salted butter and mint - mmmmmm! 

Our man Chris in Manchester has dived straight in on the Peter Pan's XI idea and sent us a crackin' new list - we absolutely love this one - he gets another T shirt:

Peter Pan XI Series: Politicians XI
Cameron/Clegg - An early opening partnership
Scargill – decent strike rate
Redwood – square cut
Brown – could create havoc once he gets his eye in
Cyril Smith – all rounder
Churchill – safe pair of hands
Profumo – swinger
Thorpe – reverse swing
Clinton – full toss
Mao Tse Tung – every side needs a Chinaman
Chamberlain – 12^th man, silly point

Peter Pan's XI - lovely new discovery is that JM Barrie the author of Peter Pan had his own cricket team which included Arthur Conan Doyle, AA Milne and Jerome K Jerome amongst others so in tribute to such a great idea we thought up a couple of our own star teams - please join in:
Peter Pan XI Series: Newton's Genius XI
Darwin - very good in the field though constantly distracted by Beetles.
Gallileo - long off, had no trouble seeing the action.
Da Vinci - opening batsman, fine spin bowler and stand-in wicket keeper if required, the ultimate all-rounder.
Brunel - kept wicket from the bar having devsed a method of doing it remotely using steam and lots of ironwork. 
Faraday - electrifying batsman.
Stephen Hawking - uses a runner.
Watson-Watt - could see the ball even in the dark.
James Watt - used to come steaming in from the boundary on a long run up.
Logie Baird - handy 'cos then we could watch it.
Alexander Fleming - often hit the ball without even realising it.
 

Peter Pan XI Series: Drake's Brass Neck XI.
Raleigh - very fetching in his whites.
Wellington - terrifying opener.
Nelson - couldn't see or catch a thing but devised the tactics.
Robin Hood - kept nicking the ball and giving it to the opposition.
Churchill - always scored a century, then painted the scene, wrote about it and won the nobel prize for cricket.
Montgomery - not a great player but irritated the hell out of the opposition.
Harry Hotspur - very fast bowler, straight at the batsman.
Richard The Lion Heart - wandered about on the boundary scaring the crowd.
Cromwell - kept wanting to change the rules
Captain Scott - played in all weathers.


Here's a list from Chris in Manchester, he's not happy, he's a businessman and he's been through a British airport - of course he's not. A man after our own heart, we could have written this list but we didn't so Chris will get the FREE T shirt instead -

10 Worst Things About Business Travel - and two bonus ones!
Airport parking at £100 per hour
Irrationally having to check for your passport every 5 mins
Walking for miles
The embarrassing quality/price of British airport cuisine (at least the service is good Chris?-Ed.)
Queuing for airport security and feeling guilty
Going through airport security - they might find your drugs (paracetamol that is-Ed.)
After airport security, trying to keep an eye on your valuables on the conveyor belt whilst putting your trolleys back on
Having to walk through the shops to get to the terminals - I'm definitely not buying anything now!
Sitting next to a fat tourist - put the fork down!
People who don't stand behind the blue line at the carousel - then we could all see the xxxxxx luggage - go figure, you do the math!
Trying to find your name (spelt differently again!) on a taxi drivers placard
Remembering you are going to meetings not the beach

Top 10 Things About a General Election:
1. Politicians being humble and begging for your vote (they are only pretending.)
2. Politicians being harangued by women voters.
3. Kirsty Wark on Newsnight.
erm..... that's about it actually.

Worst 10 Things About a General Election:
1. Non stop news about the campaign.
2. Politicians saying the same thing over and over again.
3. Being talked down to by Politicians.
4. The newspapers abandoning impartiality, wit and wisdom and writing blatant propoganda.
5. Journalists wittering on.
6. TV politics pundits wittering on.
7. The Returning Officers appalling dress sense.
8. Politicians dropping into the pub or eating fish n' chips with voters.
9. The losers lying about how why they lost.
10. The winners.

Having had our leader stuck in Europe recently due to the Icelandic ash he offers his thoughts on the

10 Things About Getting Stuck Abroad:
1. Hollywoods lack of imagination - it's much worse in real life. 
2. Learning all about volcanic ash and the fact that no-one knows anything.
3. Realising how lucky we are not watching BBC World and CNN at home.
4. How big corporations profiteer on peoples bad luck - car hire companies for example.
5. How disorientating it is not knowing when or how you might get home.
6. No matter how good the hotel or the view is there is nowhere like home.
7. Realising that Europe's roads are fantastic - no traffic and no roadworks.
8. Realising that Britains roads are truly badly managed and maintained.
9. Fellow travellers want to help you.
10. Getting Home.
 

Here's one from our product development team:

Top 10 Reasons To Hate Computers.
1. they are computers.
2. despite being built on logic they are totally illogical.
3. they only work properly every other day - only god knows why.
4. the jargon.
5. every new model is out of date within 15 minutes of their launch.
6. the exhorbitant charges IT support companies charge.
7. they are not Nat King Cole.
8. the batteries last 5 minutes.
9. all the bloody leads, plugs, USB cables, multiplex, blu-ray,aaaaarrrggghhhh!
10. please reboot after reading this - you might wake up in Hawaii.
11. the cost of Wi-fi in hotels - why?????
and obviously the spam and we think the lack of romance. Nothing beats getting a letter in the field, you can't carry a laptop on ops to get your emails but a letter from a loved one in your top pocket - makes you invincible. 

Here is a very difficult list to compile as string arrangements in pop music are always ill advised (as Macca knows). It has taken a music student to unravel the truth so thanks to Cameron from London for this one:

Top 10 Tunes with Acceptabe String Accompaniments.
1 The Beatles- I Me Mine
2 James Brown- It's A Man's World
3 Ian Brown- F.E.A.R
4 Elliott Smith- Twilight
5 Al Green- Let's Stay Together
6 Marvin Gaye- Ain't No Mountain Higher
7 Led Zeppelin- kashmir
8 Michael Jackson- Earth Song
9 Neil Finn- Sinner
10 Nina Simone- Feeling Good
and of course - Curtis Mayfield - Move on Up.
and it goes without saying - The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby.
 

February 2010: The Six Nations tinged with sadness this year at the passing of the great Bill McLaren, the golden voice of our young years. The sound of his voice takes you straight back to saturday afternoons of the sixties and the seventies and big slow forwards, dainty backs, loads of mud and real camaraderie.

Here is our list of his Top 10 Phrases.
1. Aye they'll be dancing in the streets of Edinburgh tonight.
2. That'll no bother those clean livin' Scots lads (when a streaker ran on the Murrayfield pitch.)
3. Oh that's a huge kick, it'll come down with snow on it that one.
4. Lawson MUST score.
5. He's built like a pocket battleship this fellow.
6. For the love of the wee fellow he's gone and kicked it.
7. He knows how to shilly shally this lad.
8. It's high enough, it's straight enough and it's long enough.
9. I like to call him the smiling assassin this wee fellow.
10.There goes 18 stone of Prime Welsh beef on the hoof.
...like we say, not everything about the past is out of date. Wonderful man. RIP.

Here are some lists we liked (some we wrote even though we already had the T shirt):

Top 10 Things About Snow.
1. Sledging of course.
2. Snowball fights (health and safety allowing )
3. Building a Snowman (Snowwoman)
4. Schools Closed.
5. Work Closed.
6. Real fires.
7. It looks so beautiful.
8. The South of England coming to a standstill.
9. Northerners wondering what all the fuss is about.
10. Journalists exaggerating.

Our Alternative Top 10 New Year Resolutions.
1. Learn by heart some Poetry and recite it aloud.
2. Eat more Marmalade.
3. Drink beer made in the UK and preferably over 4.5% only.
4. Don't emigrate to Australia.
5. Whistle more.
6. Keep the same car for longer.
7. Learn to play a musical instrument.
8. Play board games every Sunday instead of shopping.
9. Swear less.
10. Totally ignore worthless celebrities.

Best Things About Christmas.
1. Little smiling faces.
2. Older Children not up so early.
3. Actually surprising your Dad.
4. Dad asleep.
5. Sweets before lunch.
6. The Great Escape - of course.
7. A jocular Church service with less hand wringing than normal.
8. Proper (Victorian) Hymns at said Church service.
9. Waving the In-Laws off.
10. Sleepy little faces.

Bring Back List Nr.7
1. Matchbox Cars.
2. Snow.
3. Toys without batteries.
4. Routemaster Buses.
5. Official Secrets Act - must everything be in the papers?
6. Architects - they must have left the country?
7. Fewer Charities - they are all competing like businesses!
8. The Muse - Macca, Elton, Randy, Glimmer Twins...they've all lost it.
9. Affordable Fairground Rides.
10. Polar Bears.

Bring back List Nr.6
1. Grit.
2. Listening.
3. Idealistic Politicians.
4. Opal Fruits.
5. Patrician Industrialists.
6. More compact Sunday Papers.
7. Peter Green's Mojo.
8. Nationalised Railways - we've made a start.
9. Modesty - in bankers and celebs.
10. Keith Floyd.

Top 10 Modern Human Phenomena
1. Baldness.
2. Jeans that clearly do not fit.
3. Asthma.
4. Tattoos on women
5. Herd Mentality - or has this always been the case?
6. Out of town shopping.
7. Women at Rugby matches.
8. Homelessness - or was the Middle Ages worse?
9. Consultants.
10. Being ripped off by respectable looking institutions - banks for example.

Top 10 Wonders of Cheap Air Travel.
1. Being clubbed awake by the stewardesses wide hips whilst tramping up the aisle.
2. Broken knee caps from being hit by the trolley driven by said stewardesses.
3. Queuing in the rain on the plane steps.
4. Landing 50 miles from where you thought you were going.
5. 17 variations of security checks across British airports.
6. A peculiar take on what constitutes Customer Service.
7. Landing back at midnight.
8. Piping hot coffee.
9. Tourists - can we please have business only airports asap.
10. More creative add on costs than British Rail ticket prices.

Our Top 10 Favourite Phrases in July.
1. Hunting the Gowk.
2. All to the good.
3. Reck one’s own rede.
4. Dogs howl at death.
5. Keep One’s end up.
6. As the Devil loves holy water.
7. Weighed in the balance and found wanting.
8. As mad as a horse.
9. To play the sedulous ape.
10. You can keep your jack.
don't know about you but we use them all the time....

NEW SERIES FOR 2009 - The Bring Back Lists.
We are not being old fashioned or all Rudyard Kipling about home but one of our favourite sayings is 'not everything about the past is out of date' - so here are a few things we would like to see again:

Here's a list from Pippa in Carlisle, we wouldn't dare argue......

Bring Back List Nr.5
1.  The art of conversation at dinner
2.  Good manners
3.  Things to do with sticky back plastic not involving Anthea Redfern
4.  Humility
5.  Men who carry handkerchiefs in their jacket pockets
6.  Long summer evenings
7.  Feminine mystique ( Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - so what? Who cares about Uranus?)(oh and see 3 above)
8.  Proper interviewers like Michael Parkinson
9.  Morecambe & Wise Christmas Specials
10. '99s made with proper ice cream, and proper flakes ( see  6 above)

Bring Back List Nr.4.
1. The Beatles.
2. A world without advertising hoardings.
3. Sports shirts without sponsors logos.
4. Fresh Air.
5. Salad Cream in glass bottles.
6. No diving in the box.
7. A running start to the cars in Formula 1.
8. Danger (i.e. no health & safety)
9. Kids playing in the street.
10. Map reading (who needs SatNav?)

Here's a Bring Back list from Aidan, we think he may be a music teacher, from Cornwall?

Bring Back List Nr.3
1. Polite and repectful children
2. Tin Mining
3. The Radio 1 RoadShow
4. The concept that in order to pass GCSE music, you have to be able to play an instrument.
5. Rainbow - either the TV Show or the group.
6. Evening TV that ends with the national anthem.
7. The Royal Tournament
8. Proper London buses
9. Standing at football matches
10. National Service.
we say bring back the TV test card, perhaps in place of the X Factor?

Bring Back List Nr.2.
1. Fish n Chips in newspaper.
2. English footballers.
3. Walking to work/school/shops.
4. Shops shut on Sundays.
5. Slow prop forwards.
6. Louis Armstrong.
7. Industry.
8. Stubborn opening batsmen.
9. Apprenticeships.
10. Whistling.

Bring Back List Nr.1.
1. Cremola Foam
2. Common Sense
3. Wolves
4. Fish in the North Sea
5. Good Television.
6. The England Cricket Team.
7. Wit.
8. Honest Politicians - were there ever any?
9. School shorts.
10. Reading - the pastime not the city.
and there are loads more to come..........

In contemplative mood over Easter we offer you:

Top 10 Greatest British Poets.
1. Seamus Heaney- sweet as a nut.
2. Dylan Thomas - genius but completely bonkers.
3. William Wordsworth - a Cumbrian so that'll do.....
4. Ted Hughes - mmmmm, thoughtful.
5. Siegfried Sassoon - he was right.
6. Rupert Brooke - so was he.
7. John Betjeman - we call him Dear Johnny.
8. Rudyard Kipling - at least he was stirring.
9. WH Auden - yes indeed.
10. Philip Larkin - lock up your parents.
wanted to include Thomas Hardy but he is in our top novelists so he can't have both; Bill 'I wrote everything' Shakespeare because someone else has to have a go; Rab Burns but then he's mad; Donne and Coleridge but we like to be a modern company - good enough for you?

Here is a fabulous list from Big Steve of Halifax:
 
TOP TEN BRITISH MILITARY VICTORIES OVER THE FRENCH
 
Big Steve writes: Obviously this only represents a tiny selection from a huge range of possibilities, but it gives the general picture and of course, 'History is written by the winners' (which is why French history books are so small). It would be a pity to rank one victory over the other, so we'll start with the one that really put Napoleon in his place, and work backwards:
 
1. Waterloo (1815)
2. Trafalgar (1805)
3. The Battle of the Nile (1798)
4. The Glorious 1st of June (1794)
5. The Battle of Louisbourg (1745)
6. Ramillies (1706)
7. Blenheim (1704)
8. Agincourt (1415)
9. Poitiers (1345)
10. Crecy (1346)
lovely Steve, thanks - and they can't understand why we wont deliver to them!!!

from us to you for the great John Martyn:
Top 10 John Martyn Songs.
1. May You Never.
2. Over The Hill.
3. Some People Are Crazy.
4. Couldn't Love You More.
5. Solid Air.
6. Bless The Weather.
7. I'd Rather Be The Devil
8. So Much in Love With You.
9. One Day Without You.
10. Baby Please Come Home.
and loads and loads more.....the greatest Blues singer this country has ever produced.

Bill from Epping wants us to know that:
The Top 10 Vegetables to Plant in Your Garden.
1. Spuds - they are easy.
2. Asparagus - not for beginners but saves you lots of money.
3. Cabbage - white, the Portuguese love it.
4. Runner Beans - easy, and look professional.
5. Tomato - ok they are a fruit but they look and smell wonderful.
6. Onions - you better know them.
7. Carrots - only near a beach otherwise you'll be lucky.
8. Beetroot - marvellous with corned beef.
9. Sprouts - get them frosty and they are sweeeeet.
10. Money - it grows on trees but only for Bankers.
nice one Bill, a bit of a return to the land does us all good, have a T shirt.

The Top 10 Be Bop Players.
1. Dizzy Gillespie.
2. Julian Adderley.
3. Charlie Bird Parker.
4. John Coltrane.
5. Sonny Stitt.
6. Bud Powell.
7. Stan Getz - yes he could blow anyone away in the key of Z.
8. Max Roach.
9. Art Blakey.
10. ok, ok - Miles Davis.
and Eric Dolphy, Clifford Brown, Charles Mingus and you know what - Duke Ellington! 

Britains Top 10 Inventions.
1. Steam Power.
2. Industry.
3. Trains.
4. Television.
5. Internet.
6. Telephone.
7. Metal Bridges.
8. Democracy - yes it's only at Nr 8 at the moment.
9. Radar.
10. Jet Engine.

Britain's Alternative Top 10 Inventions.
1. Rock Music.
2. the proper way to drink Tea.
3. Courage.
4. The Longbow.
5. The Army (ok and the Navy)
6. Short Striped Socks.
7. Wool.
8. Cooked Breakfast.
9. The Underdog.
10.Literature.
and of course going outside without a vest on.

Macca's Top 10 Songs Post Beatles.
1. Maybe I'm Amazed.
2. Back Seat Of My Car
3. Band On The Run
4. Coming Up
5. Too Many People.
6. Jet.
7. Call Me Back Again (Live)
8. Hi Hi Hi
9. Venus & Mars/Rock Show
10. Every Night

Top 10 People To Invite to Christmas Day Lunch.
1. Duke Ellington.
2. Muddy Waters.
3. Peter Ustinov.
4. Orson Welles.
5. Spike Milligan.
6. Oscar Wilde.
7. Isambard Kingdom Brunel.
8. Bob Hope.
9. Bobby Moore.
10. and of course Sophia Loren.

Here is a topical Autumn Internationals list from Mark in Lancs.....

 Top 10 Favourite Rugby Quotes
1. Are there any dead ? - Willy John McBride 
2. You've got to get your first tackle in early, even if its late. - Ray Gravel 
3. Theres no doubt about it, he's a big bastard. - Gavin Hastings on Johna Lomu 
4. The lads say my bum is the equivalent of 1 'Erika' - Bill Beaumont 
5. The only team we've beaten was Western Samoa, good job we did'nt play the whole of Samoa - Gareth Davies 
6. Forwards win the ball, Forwards keep the ball, backs buy the beer - Doug Ibbotson 
7. I thought I'd have a quiet pint....and 17 noisy ones - Gareth Chilcott 
8. Get off, you look ugly - Peter Marshall (Referee) 
9. If you can't take a punch you should play table tennis - Pierre Berbizier 
10. He's only French - Brian Moore.

and after the Rugby settle down to one of these:

Top 10 Blokes Films.
1. French Connection.
2. Godfather.
3. Zulu (marvellous singing)
4. Raging Bull
5. The Wild Bunch
6. Where Eagles Dare (if you can follow it)
7. Point Blank
8. Goldfinger (Sean's silver grey suit after the golf - an inspiration)
9. Deliverance
10. Glengarry Glen Ross (almost too difficult to watch)
....from Simon in Rutland, clearly a connoisseur.

and in the interests of equal opportunities:

Top 10 Chick Flicks
1.  Bring it on 
2.  The Hot Chick
3.  Some like it hot
4.  Last Holiday ( the Queen Latifah version)
5.  Tank Girl
6.  White Chicks
7.  Sense & Sensibility
8.  My Best Friend's Wedding
9.  Calamity Jane
10.  Charlie's Angels
....we haven' seen any of 'em but thanks to Pippa in Cumbria for that one (do we have any chicks T shirts?)

and just a quick one from the JR office to keep you going:

Top 10 Frenchmen we know and love:
1. erm...
2. hang on.......
3. you know ...whatshisname...
4. the haughty bloke who never says thank you.....
5. he was in the resistance..........that's what they all say!
6. We give up...........that's what they all said!

and one from the boys on the road:

Top 10 Track 1's (first track on the album):
1: The Beatles: Revolver: Taxman
2: Led Zeppelin: Good Times Bad Times
3: Sinatra and Basie: The Sands: Come Fly With Me
4: The Clash: London Calling
5: Quantic Soul Orchestra: Pushin On: Pushin On
6: Elliott Smith: Figure 8: Son Of Sam
7: Miles Davis: Kind Of Blue: So What
8: Sly and The family Stone: Theres A Riot Goin On: Luv N hate
9: Jimi Hendrix: Are You Experience: Foxy Lady (for Mitch)
10: Jimmy Vaughan: Do you get the Blues: Dirty Girl
........Enjoy, Embrace, Land, Peace and Bread Oliver and Cameron x

we recently (inexplicably) left Tom Waits off our best ever singers list so we are delighted to get this opportunity for redemption with this list from our new Saturday boy in Oakham, Daniel (the boy will go far!):

Top 10 Tom Waits Lyrics:
1. Don’t you know that there’s no devil its just god when he’s drunk
2. Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon, independent as a hog on ice.
3. Born in a taxi cab I aint never going home.
4. I’m gonna tear me off a rainbow and wear it for a tie.
5. I never told the truth so I can never tell a lie.
6. Nighthawks at the diner, hammers 49er, there’s a rendezvous of strangers.
7. When all you got is $29.00 and an alligator purse.
8. You say you ex old man was a sax player, he'll say baby I used to play bass for Sly.
9. You need perfume? We got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?
10. Hey Charley I think about you, everytime I pass a fillin' station, on account of all the grease, you used to wear in your hair
11. Even Jesus wanted a little more time, when he was walking Spanish down the hall.
12. Whistling past the graveyard stepping on a crack
13. The piano’s been drinking.
.........he's a genius, we love 'im.

Top 10 Phrases Shakespeare Did NOT Give Us:
1. 'Going forward.......'
2. 'We are entering a challenging phase of development requiring great focus.'
3. 'in review of our core business offering.....'
4. 'our broad customer base allows us to explore new revenue streams'
5. 'corporate social responsibility'
6. 'pushing the envelope'
7. 'congestion charging works'
8. 'customer centred service delivery'
9. 'your new phone line and broadband service will be installed promptly'
10. Chairperson.
...with thanks to Don Watson, please read his book 'Gobbledygook.

Top 10 Greatest Ever Singers.
1. Dad.
2. Louis Armstrong
3. Billie Holiday
4. Ella Fitzgerald
5. Sarah Vaughan
6. Dinah Washington
7. Rickie Lee Jones
8. Pavarotti
9. Francis Albert of course
10. Macca & Lennon (in the same band for God's sake)
11. Stevie Wonder
12. BB King
13. John Martyn
14. Otis Redding
15. Marvin Gaye
16. Michael Macdonald
well 10 was unrealistic.
...plus thanks to Andy in Melton Mowbray for pointing out that we somehow forgot Tom Waits, how could we? We love him.

Top 10 Underused Words
1. Somnabulate.
2. Bowser
3. Procrastination.
4. Obfuscation.
5. Sensible
6. Escutcheon
7. Pusillanimous
8. Stevedore
9. Desiderate
10. Blether.
and we love Pernickety and Perspicacious.
..... with thanks to the Jack Russell office, we use them of course.

Jack's Top 10 List of Germans we have Known and Loved:
1. Maximilian Schell
2. Hardy Kruger
3. Rutger Hauer
4. Ralf Schumacher (not his brother)
5. Anton Diffring

Here's a list from a young music student, Cameron - we are sending him 2 T shirts because this is brilliant:

Best Ever Rhythm Sections.
Macca & Ringo
Entwhistle & Moon
John Paul Jones & John Bonham
Ray Brown & Ed Thigpen (oscar peterson trio)
Jack Bruce & Ginger Baker
Verdine White & Fred White (earth wind & fire)
Chris Wood & Billy Martin (medeski,martin,wood)
Freddie Green & Sonny Paine (count basie band) 
Sting & Stewart Copeland
Jimmy Jazz Prescott & Jeffrey Houseman Clemens (g love)
Django Reinhardt
Any of Prince's bands

The Jacques de Russell Top 10 Greatest Philosophers
1. Socrates (it's his fault, he started it)
2. Plato & Aristotle (we're grouping the Greeks to help the others)
3. Francis Bacon (not the sculptor)
4. Bill Shakespeare (we talk his language everyday)
5. A few 18thC Frenchmen (apparently.)
6. Marx & Engels (also clairvoyants)
7. Kant, Heidegger, Freud, (the whole of Germany was at it.)
8. Darwin (must have been)
9. Brian Clough (who's arguing)
10. John Lennon & George Harrison (also good singers)

Here is our definitive list of Top 10 Live Albums of All Time
1. Sinatra at The Sands (with Count Basie, Las Vegas 1966)
2. Buddy Rich/Gene Krupa Drum Battle Live at Carnegie Hall 1952
3. BB King - Live at The Regal (Chicago 1964)
4. Art Blakey & The Jazz Messengers - Live at the Village Vanguard
5. Medeski Martin & Wood - Tonic
6. Earth Wind & Fire - Live in Rio
7. Oscar Peterson - The London Concert 1978
8. Duke Ellington - Live at Newport Jazz Festival
9. The Who - Live at Leeds obviously
10. The Allman Brothers - Live at the Fillmore East
plus: Joe Cocker - Mad Dogs & Englishmen; Thin Lizzy - Live & Dangerous; Eric Clapton - EC was Here; The Beatles - at the Hollywood Bowl; Wings - Wings Over America.

- this is not for discussion really because we cannot be wrong on this.

.......and from our favourite film here are our.....

Top 10 Quotes From Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid.
1. I got vision while the rest of the world wears bifocals
2. Think you used enough dynamite there Butch?
3. You know if Sweet-Face told me I'd left town I'd believe him
4. I couldn't do that. Could you do that? How can they do it? Who are those guys?
5. If he'd just pay me what he's spending to make me stop robbing him, I'd stop robbing him.
6. Next time I say let's go someplace like Bolivia, let's GO someplace like Bolivia.
7. Sundance: I can't swim. Butch: Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you.
8. Butch: What happened to the old bank? It was beautiful. Guard: People kept robbing it. Butch: Small price to pay for beauty.
9. Morons. I've got morons on my team. Nobody is going to rob us going down the mountain. We have no money going down the mountain.
10. Butch: Listen, I don't mean to be a sore loser, but when it's done, if I'm dead, kill him. Sundance: Love to. 

From the ever erudite Graham from London comes the following:

Top 10 ways of ending a late night conversation with a chatty taxi driver:
1. I'm in injection Moulding
2. I know a quicker way, if you're interested
3. These urinals are tiny
4. I used to drive a taxi until the police searched the boot
5. What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you in a taxi?
6. Have you ever had an invisible friend? (Followed by “I wasn’t asking you”)
7. What else do you do for cash
8. One of us should tell your wife we’ve finally met
9. You count and I'll hide
10. How can you tell if someone’s going to do a runner?

Top 10 Things To Do in an English Summer.
1. Build an Ark.
2. Collect Animals.
3. Check with Health & Safety on the 'keeping animals in an ark' guidelines.
4. Wait in a long queue with no information about what is happening.
5. Have your trip cancelled with no warning or apology.
6. Stay in, play Monopoly.
7. Listen to the rain on the caravan roof.
8. Hold down the Tent.
9. Sit in Motorway traffic at 1 in the morning.
10. Keep cracking jokes whatever happens.

Top 10 Things Bugging the JR Team.
1. the price of train tickets.
2. queuing through airports.
3. traffic congestion - the motorways are a nightmare.
4. fictitious touchy feely 'we care' pronouncements from big corporations.
5. you are only insured until you claim - fact.
6. being ignored by politicians and G8 primadonnas.
7. very little good music being produced.
8. any good music not getting aired on the heavily controlled and subsidised media.
9. how quickly jam goes off today.
10. pubs who do not keep proper beer (not lager) correctly.
we have sent ourselves a T shirt - we welcome your comments as always..................

Thanks to Ruth in Oxfordshire for this enlightened, educational and T shirt winning list of
Top Ten Women of All Time.
Dorothy Parker
Lauren Bacall - she could whistle
Hannah Snell - dresssed as a man and fought in WW1.
Rosa Parks - she 'aint movin' for nobody.
Emmeline Pankhurst
Marie Curie
Marie Stopes
Deborah Harry
Ellen Macarthur
Queen Elizabeth 1
we totally endorse a list of great women, we might have included Catherine Deneuve and Halle Berry but
hey, what do we know?

This highly intellectual list just in from Dr.Stephen Kershaw, Doctor of Classics and (we're guessing) a Yorkshireman:

Top Ten Characters from Greek Mythology to go Drinking with in Halifax
1. Dionysos (God of Wine and Intoxicated Ecstasy)
2. Herakles (gargantuan eater and drinker; good in a fight)
3. ‘Manslaughtering’ Hektor (very good in a fight)
4. ‘Swift-Footed’ Achilles (even better in a fight)
5. Typhoeus (ghastly man/beast hybrid monster with 100 fire-breathing dragon heads; brilliant in a fight)
6. The Amazons (good in fights involving women)
7. The Cyclops (grisly one-eyed creature, blends in well in Halifax night-clubs)
8. The Centaurs (half-men, half-horse, get drunk very easily and try to carry off women, often seen at Halifax Rugby League matches)
9. The Mainads and Satyrs (mad women and drunken semi-bestial creatures – very much at home in West Yorkshire)
10. Oedipus and his Mum.

Top 10 Greatest Ever Piano Players:
Art Tatum
Oscar Peterson
Oscar Peterson
Oscar Peterson
Errol Garner
Bill Evans
Thelonious Monk
Dave Brubeck
Brian Lemon
Wynton Kelly

Top 10 Nr 10's (Outside halves) in Rugby.
Barry John
Cliff Morgan
Phil Bennett
Gareth Edwards - if he had been an outside half
JPR Williams - could have played both full back and outside half in the same game
Jonathan Davies
Jonny Wilkinson
Dan Carter
Hugo Porta
Grant Fox
Michael Lynagh
Neil Jenkins